One night, years ago, when I went to tuck my son in and say bedtime prayers, I found him softly crying, tears streaming down his face. This wasn’t like him, so naturally I was concerned. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying”?
The tears flowed harder. “It’s so hard, Mom! I just don’t understand”.
My son was in the 5th grade and he had hit the proverbial wall.
He was a good student. He did not have to put forth much effort in order to get good grades. Then came 5th grade math. It was the first time that he struggled with anything academic.
I reassured him that it would take a little work but that he would, in fact “get it” and be able to pass the 5th grade.
I, too, “hit a wall” a few years ago. I was going along just fine in my Christian walk; attending church on Sunday and Bible study on Wednesday nights. Living right. But it was that one Bible study that set my wall hitting in motion. It was the book of James. You know, the one that tells you faith without works is dead (James 2:26).
That study of the book of James, a book I read, Not a Fan by Kyle Idleman, and plenty of time to think led me to reevaluate my walk with Christ. Jesus, himself, told us in order to be a true disciple we would need to count the cost (Luke 14). I thought about the cost and had a little pity-party.
“God, I don’t know if I can do this, its too hard!”
Some people are so hard to love.
Some people are so hard to forgive.
Sometimes I just want to sit on a beach and look at the water.
After a time of wrestling with God, I came to the conclusion – its not about doing. I can never do enough to live up to His standard. It is about believing; believing who He says He is and who I am in Him.
After that breakthrough I dove back into the Word and renewed my mind with the simple encouragements I found.
Run With Endurance
Do Not Grow Weary
I’m back on the right track. My son? He has a Masters in Finance degree and works with numbers every day. I knew he would get it.